Bobby, for your sake and Sandy's Don't Go Into Exile!
This article, written by Rona Barrett, appeared in Motion Picture Magazine April, 1961
Dear Bobby:
I never thought I'd be sitting down at my typewriter to write you this letter. What are you doing to yourself? I was so sure you had changed!
When you and Sandra Dee got engaged, I felt that something inside of you had melted away-the phony facade, Bobby. I thought everyone would now get a chance to see the real Bobby Darin-the Bobby Darin I had tried to tell people really existed: a young man with heart, humility, a wonderful sense of humor and a great talent. And I had good reason to feel that way.
Do you remember that early Monday morning when we spoke right after you gave Sandy her engagement ring? You were so happy. You sounded like a little boy who had just gotten his first bicycle. You kept telling me how great you felt, that there was nothing like being in love. At first, I thought it was too good to be true-that your brashness and know-it-all attitude, so evident during the past two years of your meteoric rise, could not melt away so quickly. How can a girl in just a few short months, make such a sudden change in a boy's personality? I said to myself, "This can't be true. It won't last. In a few days, he'll be back to the old Bobby, the Bobby that will tax my patience but that I'll still love." But the few days rolled into a few weeks. Though you were constantly harassed with the problems of trying to set a wedding date and working out your career problems, you still were sweet and kind. Believe it or not, it wasn't easy for people to accept you this way. The change seemed so sudden--so unreal.
However, there were two things that convinced me you had finally become the Bobby Darin only a few close friends had ever known. When I flew to New York with you a few days before your sudden wedding, your thoughts were only of Sandra. All you could think of was how to make her happy. For once, you weren't thinking about yourself. You weren't the almighty important one any longer. A sudden realization had come over you: the universe didn't center around Bobby Darin!
I was amazed to see you suddenly so concerned about your closest friends, instead of just thoughtlessly taking them for granted. It was obvious that you were ready to open up a new chapter in your life--to rectify the mistakes, the bad impressions you had created in the past few years with co-workers and members of the press. And these weren't just words you were speaking, you actually were going to do it. You started proving it to me that night at the Latin Casino in Camden, New Jersey, when Frankie Avalon came backstage to congratulate you.
I know how much you've always liked Frankie and Fabian. You told me, but you never told them. In your struggle to get to the top, you forgot your P's and Q's on many occasions. Your brash and impulsive statements often hurt people you didn't mean to hurt.
One such incident occurred at a Dick Clark show. At one point in the evening, after knocking several singers in your "kidding on the square" style, you turned to Fabe and Frank and said, "You're great guys, but don't think you can compete with me!" I know you meant this remark as a joke, and the boys wanted to take it as such, but the manner in which you delivered the line didn't convey this.
I know the boys admire you tremendously, but how long can you respect someone who has no respect for you? If I were a psychologist, I might theorize that it was the lack of respect for your own self that caused you to be this way. At any rate, that opening night months later at the Latin was so different. When Frankie walked into your crowded dressing room you rushed over to greet him, threw your arms around his shoulder and greeted him with, "It's great to see you!" You chatted for many minutes very warmly, and in the silence of the corner where you two were standing I am sure you found the words to apologize to Frankie for having offended him. Frankie beamed. You beamed, Sandra smiled radiantly. I couldn't help but notice that. Neither could the other people in the room.
And when, later, you said to me: "Did you ever think you'd see me allowing all these people in my dressing room at one time?" I knew that love's magic had really changed you. And when you finally admitted that you had been a small "horror" at the Copa when you wouldn't allow anyone to come near you, I knew that, for the first time in a long time, you were finally being honest with yourself. It was refreshing, Bobby. I was glad to see the change, and so was everyone who was connected with you. But I guess we should have kept our fingers crossed.
You were finally on the right road to becoming a well liked person--but how quickly you lost your way! You must have a very short memory! Your recent sudden decision to exile yourself and Sandra from public life; your attacks on the press, your refusal to let your loyal fans know what you and Sandy are doing--smacks of the old Bobby Darin.
Remember that unpleasant incident of several months back? Oh yes, you did agree to do the picture layout with Edd Byrnes, Fabian and Bob Denver. Unfortunately, someone gave you the wrong time and you came a little early and had to wait a few minutes till everyone arrived at the photographer's studio. It was an important picture layout, Bobby, but all of a sudden you decided you had waited long enough.
Just as Edd Byrnes walked in the door, you got ready to leave. The photographer and the editor from the magazine asked you to stay just a moment longer. The lighting on the shot had already been set up. All you had to do was stand in place along with Edd, Fabian and Bob Denver and the whole situation would have been taken care of. But, when you make up your mind, that's that. The editor knew you had to do a show at the Cloister and didn't want to detain you any longer than necessary, but there was still plenty of time for you to make it back to town and get ready for that evening's performance. It was your attitude and the abrupt manner in which you left that caused the editor and the photographer to swear never to use you again in that magazine. You can't afford this type of thing, Bobby. No one can. This was just one of many incidents that made you so unpopular with the press. And now you're off and ready to go again.
I have nothing to gain by pointing out that you are making the biggest mistake of your career by instituting this "no talking" policy. I am concerned only because all of us who care for you--would like you to continue thriving in this exciting medium. However, if you continue on your present course, I can only predict a bad effect on not just your career, but Sandra's as well.
Your marriage to this lovely little girl has been the most exciting romantic event of 1960. Both your names have been on everyone's lips. As far as your friends, fans and family were concerned, Sandra was the best thing that ever happened to you. Unfortunately, Sandra's mother, Sandra's studio, Sandra's friends, all felt that she was getting no bargain. A terrible attitude, and one that I fought whenever I encountered it.
As you well know, your wife is one of the best liked, most cooperative young stars in the business. I don't believe I've ever heard an unpleasant comment come out of anyone's mouth concerning Sandy. It would have been so easy for you, Bobby, to follow her footsteps in being cooperative.
If you could only see things from another point of view, you wouldn't be acting the way you are. Actors, actresses, entertainers--they all have an obligation to the public. They are in the public domain. For some, this is the most unfortunate part of being a star, but there have been many who have accepted it graciously. Look at Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh. It was the fan magazines who made them as popular as they are today and never have they denied the magazines or the press the right to interview them. They used dicretion and discussed subjects that were not too intimate, but were nonetheless enlightening to their fans. They have certainly not suffered by being cooperative. On the contrary, it has helped them tremendously.
Just the opposite happened to two important young stars several years ago. After they married, they were advised not to make their lives public and to deny the magazines the right to interview them--in a matter of months they were off the popularity polls. It wasn't fickleness on the part of their fans. It was an attitude of, "Well, if you don't want us, then we don't want you!" When these two stars finally awakened to their dilemma and requested fan magazine interviews, it was too late, they just didn't interest many fans any longer. On the other hand, Bobby, great stars like Cary Grant still find time to give fan magazine interviews.
You told me very recently that you were most concerned with Sandy's welfare, both as your wife and as an actress. Do you think you are being fair to her--and unselfish? It is hard for me to believe that Sandy is willing to go along with your "no talk" policy. She was much too cooperative and career-conscious to give up something that made her as popular as she is today. And I'm quite sure that if she starts collecting those "Most Unpopular" or "Least Cooperative" titles, she won't be very happy about it, and your marriage may be in jeopardy. I know you always wanted to marry a girl whom you could mold into your own pattern of womanhood and it is likely that with Sandy, who is so very young, and immature inmany respects, your great dream will come true. I know at this particular time in your relationship, Sandy is looking to you for guidance and it will be natural for her to follow your behavior patterns--especially since you're a strong, volatile, dominating person. Don't do her an injustice.
You have always been like a brother to me, Bobby--a very dear friend. I hope and pray that before you continue with any more of these rash and impulsive actions, you will think carefully.
You and Sandy are two of the most talented young people we have in the industry, but it takes more than just talent to keep you up there on those pedestals. So for God's sake, Bobby think again before you definitely decide to exile yourself from the public!
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